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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  January 19, 2013 12:35am-1:35am PST

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>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you very much! oh, my goodness. oh, my goodness. oh, my word! [ cheers and applause ] i can't do no more. i can't do no more. oh, my gosh.
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welcome to "late night," everybody. that's new york city right there. come on. that's a great new york city crowd. welcome. it's friday. it's friday. thank you, everybody. welcome. welcome to the show. we've got a great show tonight. should be a lot of fun. i love you guys, too. let's talk about some stuff. here's what people are talking about. everyone, did you see oprah's interview, lance armstrong last night? [ cheers ] everybody is talking about this. a lot of people were saying that lance said all the right things in the interview, but he seemed to lack emotion. yeah, he didn't have a lot of energy. if only there was something he could take for that. [ laughter ] he'll figure it out. he'll figure it out. after their interview, oprah said that lance armstrong was honest and contrite about his doping. yeah. i'll believe it when i see it, said manti te'o. [ laughter ] we've been hearing a lot about this scandal from lance armstrong's teammates, his friends, investigators, and now we even heard from lance himself. but someone we haven't heard from is lance's bike.
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[ laughter ] so we here at "late night" got in touch with the bike and asked if he would do an interview. he said yes on the condition that we conceal his identity, so here now via satellite, "the late night" exclusive. lance armstrong's bike. bike? >> hi, jimmy. [ laughter ] thanks for having me on the show. >> jimmy: yeah. thank you for joining us. my first question is did you know about the doping? >> ah, well, yes. i had my suspicions. while i never saw lance doping because i don't have eyes, i did notice that he was riding me very fast. [ laughter ] i mean, he always rode me fast, but then all of a sudden, he was riding me very fast. >> jimmy: right. >> even uphill, you know, and i'm sitting there thinking, um, okay. this is weird.
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>> jimmy: oh, yeah. [ laughter ] how did you feel when you found out that he did in fact use performance enhancing drugs? >> oh, i -- i felt betrayed. [ laughter ] because, you know, here i am doing my best being a bike, which i'm great at, and i love. i love being a bike. and then i find out that this whole time the butt that has been on me has been the butt of a cheater. a cheating butt, and that hurts. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so how are you doing these days? >> i'm doing great, you know. i -- i've got a new life. i don't really let people ride me anymore. [ laughter ] i've got a job waiting tables at cracker barrel. and sometimes i'll go for a ride by myself, which is nice. >> jimmy: sounds great. if you could say anything to
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lance about this whole deal right now, what would you say to lance? >> i would say "hey, lance, go [ bike bell ] yourself." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. lance armstrong's bike, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] very, very nice. can't believe we got an exclusive interview. an exclusive interview there. hey, here's some political news here. yesterday joe biden defended the white house's gun control initiative by saying that he actually has two guns himself. and biden was like, and i never leave home without them. [ laughter ] joe, that doesn't make it, why? >> steve: why would he do that? >> jimmy: this week was the season premiere of "american idol." you guys watching "american idol?" [ cheers ] good. and what they are doing this year. they are having people that they are able to nominate their talented friends who don't want to audition, yeah. making someone try out for something they don't really want, or as republicans call that, the romney plan, and it's just -- [ laughter ]
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hey, listen to this, you guys. the original batmobile from the 1960s "batman" series is expected to sell for $5 million at an auction this weekend. so if you've got $5 million and you want to look like batman, why not just become batman. [ laughter ] make a cave out of papier-mache in your garage. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: like a male escort to come over and dress like -- i don't know how that would work. i've never seen "batman." i don't know the movie. i don't know the movie. >> steve: a male escort? >> jimmy: i read about -- [ laughter ] i've never seen "batman." >> steve: that's what you think "batman" was. >> jimmy: yeah, it's like a guy that dresses up, like "50 shades of grey." he's got a dude, named robin. i don't know. i never saw it. >> steve: you never saw it. yeah. >> jimmy: i read about a business in new jersey though that offers yoga for dogs. [ laughter ] a business in new jersey offers yoga for dogs, and if that interests you, you know, you can
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give your money to charity, right? [ laughter ] you can do that. [ applause ] >> steve: sure. they'll take it. >> jimmy: or you can get -- get yoga for your dog. finally, there are reports that president obama's inauguration is facing a major shortage of port-a-potties, or as al roker calls them, pants. we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, man oh, man. why? >> jimmy: hey, guys. this is a cool thing we're going to do. the super bowl is coming up in a few weeks, and we wanted to do something special for it. so i got in touch with the gregory brothers. these are the guys behind autotune the news, quest, you know those dudes, right? >> questlove: yes. >> jimmy: we came up with something that could be really cool, and we're going to need your help. so, it's called the late night super fan super cut and here's
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how it works. take a video of yourself wearing your favorite football stuff, t-shirt, jersey, face paint, body paint, whatever you want, and then record a nice three to five-second whoo for the camera. let's try it together. ready. one, two, three. whoo! yes. that's perfect. or who-hoo, you could do that too, if you want to get creative. whatever you want, we just need a nice solid one to make it work. and then say quick about why you love your team. something fun, something cool, shouting out a special player. whatever you want to do. if your team is not in the super bowl, it does not matter. this is for all fans, we want to see lots of different teams represented. so upload your video to youtube with the title my "late night" super cut and then we'll hand them over to the gregory brothers, who are geniuses, they are great, really funny guys, talented guys and we're going to make your whoos into something awesome and we'll premiere this on "late night," friday, february 1st so get those videos coming in. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: whoo! >> jimmy: it's going to be fun. >> steve: whoo! who-hoo! whoo! [ cheers ]
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>> jimmy: all right, all right. very nice. sounds like a furby convention or something. >> steve: right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we have a giant show tonight. she just won a golden globe for her performance in "zero dark thirty"! [ cheers ] oh, we love her. jessica chastain is here! [ cheers and applause ] oh, yeah. this guy is super hilarious. we love him. you know him from "the book of mormon" and nbc's new comedy "1600 penn." josh gad is dropping by. [ cheers ] and speaking of super funny, this guy i've wanted to have on the show since we first started. he is one of the best comedy writers ever, he writes for billy crystal now. he used to write for gilda radner, one of the first writers on "saturday night live." he has a new book. alan zweibel is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and then we've got some good music for you as well. the joy formidable is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ]
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and they're -- what a fun show. it's a fun show. you guys, today is friday, and that's usually when i catch up -- whoo. [ laughter ] [ audience whoos ] why would i start that again? yeah, but this is -- usually on fridays, i like to catch up on some personal stuff and check my in box. >> steve: mm-hmm. >> jimmy: you know, i return some e-mails and, of course, i send out some thank-you notes. [ cheers and applause ] you guys mind? can i write out a few thank-you notes right now. is that okay? [ cheers and applause ] thank you, so much. james, can i get some thank-you writing music, please. james, james -- ♪ wow. >> steve: oh, my. it's robot james. >> jimmy: it's like animatronic james. >> steve: he is from the hall of presidents. >> jimmy: i saw him in the hall of presidents at disney. >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] ♪
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>> jimmy: thank you, lance armstrong, for sitting down with oprah last night. i missed the interview, but i heard it was dope. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oh, gosh. >> jimmy: there you go. >> steve: well i'm done. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, restaurants with menus in foreign languages, for basically saying you can order any item, but we want you to sound stupid when doing it. there you go. [ applause ] >> woo-hoo! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, high heels, for being like regular shoes on a harder difficulty level. [ laughter and applause ] turn it up a little bit. >> steve: turn it up. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, mr. clean,
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for looking like a guy who likes to clean and then heads to his job as a bouncer at a gay strip club. [ laughter and applause ] id please. >> steve: i'm clean. [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, canes, for being like kickstands for old people. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, oven mitt, or as i call you, blind puppets. so fun, so fun. ♪ thank you, lion, for being the '80s hair bands of the jungle. [ laughter and applause ] good. >> whoo! woo-hoo.
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>> jimmy: what is going on? i'm sorry. i asked for it, man. i asked for it. we could turn it into a song right now, if they would do it. >> whoo. ♪ ♪ whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. that's the vibe. that's what i'm talking about. it's fun. here we go. it's the last one here? >> steve: what? ah. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, once again lance armstrong, for going on oprah and clarifying your remarks about betsy andrew, the woman who testified in 2006 that you used performance enhancing drugs by saying, quote, i called you crazy. i called you a bitch, but i never called you fat. [ laughter ]
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thus creating an amazing title for a lance armstrong country song. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you called me a bully you called me a joke you called me a liar you said that i dope ♪ ♪ i called you crazy i called you a bitch but i never ever called you fat ♪ ♪ you're a crazy bitch but you ain't fat no, i never ever called you that ♪
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♪ you're crazy, you're a bitch i said it, it's a stone cold fact you're a crazy bitch but you ain't fat ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you have it. those are my thank-you notes. we'll be right back with more "late night." f a plane. finally, i became a ping pong master while recording my debut album. how you ask? with 5-hour energy. i get hours of energy now -- no crash later. wait to see the next five hours. yeah we both relieve coughs, sneezing, aches, fevers. and i relieve nasal congestion.
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>> jimmy: our first guest this evening has a new movie. look at all of these covers. four different covers. she looks gorgeous in all of them. [ cheers ] looks cool in that there. this one. this one's a painting. beautiful. she has a new movie in theaters today that i'm frightened to even talk about. it's called "mama." it's a horror movie. and it's just -- have you seen the trailers? it's just the most frightening thing ever in the whole wide world. i cannot wait to see it. but she just won a golden globe for her performance in another movie, "zero dark thirty." let's take a look at a clip from that movie. >> there are two narratives about the location of osama bin laden. the one that you're most familiar with is that ubl is hiding in a cave in the tribal areas. that he's surrounded by a large contingent of lowell fighters. so that narrative is pre-9/11 understanding of ubl.
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the second narrative is that he's living in a city. living in a city with multiple points of egress and entries, access to communications so that he can keep in touch with the organization. you can't run a global network of interconnected cells from a cave. >> jimmy: yeah. please welcome back to the show, a great actor. here is jessica chastain, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: beautiful. you look gorgeous. >> thank you. >> jimmy: thank you for coming back to the show. the last time you were here -- >> it was my first ever television show last time. >> jimmy: really? >> yes. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: we were the first talk show you've ever done. >> yes. and right before i came on your show, i was in a motocross
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accident and my very first time on the show it was like impressive. >> jimmy: hobbling out. >> hobbling out. >> jimmy: of course, like, a beautiful girl, motocross. that makes sense. like, what is going on? i just loved it. you're all better now? >> yep, all better. >> everything is good. >> jimmy: congratulations to you. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're killing it! >> yes. ♪ >> jimmy: golden globe. oh my -- so happy. >> holy moly. >> jimmy: i was like whoo! >> audience: whoo! >> you know -- >> jimmy: yeah, but then you got up and did such a great speech. i think one of my favorite speeches of the night. if not my favorite. >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: because you were saying how hard you worked and that this actually does mean something to you. >> yeah, it means a lot. i've worked for so long. i mean, i went to college for it. i had really odd jobs as an actress when i couldn't get an audition. one time, someone paid me 100 bucks and i wore a mickey mouse costume and went to a child's birthday was like, "hello, i'm mickey mouse." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's pretty good actually. i like that. that was a very good one. >> thanks. >> jimmy: didn't you get some scholarship that robin williams started? >> yes. i am the first person to go to
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college in my family, and it was because i got a scholarship from robin williams, who made it possible. i went to juilliard. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good for you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i'm so happy. i'm so happy for you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you haven't told robin thank you? >> no. i mean, i sent him a letter when i got the scholarship. >> jimmy: you never met him. >> i've never met him. i had one time where i almost met him. and i keep telling everyone this. i was at a restaurant, and i'm telling someone the story, and i'm not even kidding. robin came in. robin, robin williams came in and sat down next to me and they said, "well, you've got to say something to him. you've got to introduce yourself." and i said, "i'll wait until he's done eating because i don't want to be the crazy girl at the restaurant." and before he finished, he jumped up and left, and i jumped up and i was going to chase after him and then i thought no. >> jimmy: that would just be creepy. yeah. >> that would be extremely creepy. >> jimmy: he's the nicest human being. >> that's what i've been told. >> jimmy: he would love to meet you and love to hear this. he watches the show. robin. >> robin. [ light laughter ] meet me. please. >> jimmy: she wants to thank new person, robin. look at what you helped create. i mean, congratulations. [ cheers and applause ]
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he's a good man. all right. "zero dark thirty," i mean -- it's based on a true story. this woman actually does exist. >> yes, this woman exists. she worked in the cia as a targeter. >> jimmy: a targeter. i had to look at this. >> yes. >> jimmy: someone said a targeter can find any person on the planet and locate them to a plus or minus three cubic feet. >> that's true. >> jimmy: that's badass right there. >> that's badass. >> jimmy: i didn't know that person exists. are we being watched right now? >> i bet you we are. >> jimmy: i know i don't have an audience. no one is watching, but is there a targeter watching us? >> he might be in the audience right now. >> jimmy: whoa. yeah. [ cheers ] that's -- you might have hugged the targeter right now earlier. [ laughter ] that's what happens on our show. that's wild. did you get to talk to her? or she couldn't tell you anything? >> no, she's an undercover agent. >> jimmy: of course. >> so, you know, i'm really glad to know she's out there, and it's important that she keeps doing her job in the cia, which means she has to be undercover. >> jimmy: right. you really knocked it out of the park with this movie. >> thanks. >> jimmy: i thought you were great. but you're great in everything.
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and now, the first time it was the terrence malick movie. >> yes, "the tree of life" with brad pitt and sean penn. >> jimmy: "tree of life" with brad pitt. that was awesome and now this one. but then here comes "mama." >> yes. >> jimmy: i can't even talk about it. [ laughter ] >> you scared? >> jimmy: i'm frightened out of my mind. the commercial comes on and i go -- i'm too freaked out. i go, i don't want to go to the woods, the cabin. this is frightening, but it's not like blood, gore. >> no, it's not a slasher film. >> jimmy: but it is -- >> scary. >> jimmy: people who have seen it go, it changed my mind. >> it's super scary. >> jimmy: it might be the scariest movie, my friend said, he's ever seen in his life. and he's a tough dude, yeah. >> yes. i love scary movies. >> jimmy: explain what this crazy freaky movie is. >> okay, well, i play this woman annabell. she's a bass guitarist in a punk band. she wants nothing to do with kids, she's kind of selfish in the beginning, but she loves her boyfriend and they end up with custody of her boyfriend's nieces after they have been left in the woods for five years. and what has taken care of the woods -- >> jimmy: creepy kids, raised in the woods for five years, and now they are your kids. whoo!
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already i'm like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. >> the best is at the premiere, i brought some friends of mine and the little girls were there, and my friends were so afraid. they couldn't -- the girls looked so cute in their purple dresses their bows, and they said, "i don't want to be around those girls at all." and i would play tricks on my friends where i would have megan and isabelle, the girls go up to them like this and they would lean down and the girl would go "mama." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my gosh. i just want to get out. i just want to get out. i want to get out of here. that's what i'm talking about. "mama." >> "mama." >> jimmy: no! don't do that. oh, my gosh. [ laughter ] it is so frightening. i cannot wait. i cannot. i don't know where -- i've got to make sure that i'm in a good -- i've got to see a matinee. >> it's a cuddle movie. >> jimmy: i got to see it matinee. >> yeah, but you got to see it with someone you can hug. >> jimmy: i can't go at night. because i've got to see "wreck it, ralph" right after that. [ laughter ] that's the only way i'm going to get out of this. i want to show everybone a clip. here's the great jessica chastain, our buddy, in the movie "mama." prepare to be terrified.
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[ no dialogue ] >> jimmy: whoa! [ cheers and applause ] that's what i'm talking about. oh, my gosh. jessica, i'm so happy for you, pal. >> thank you. >> jimmy: dressed up and everything. we love you. "mama" is in theaters everywhere today. josh gad joins us after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i had enough of feeling embarrassed about my skin. [ designer ] enough of just covering up my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a tony award nominated actor. god, he's so talented, for his performance in the broadway hit musical "the book of mormon." he now stars in the new comedy "1600 penn" which airs thursday nights at 9:30 p.m. here on nbc. take a look at this. >> that seems tough. >> yeah. tough but fair. >> yeah, he seems like the kind of guy with a hard exterior but ultimately loving center, who doesn't show it that often because that's not how he was raised. >> wow. do me? >> actually, you seem a lot like me. >> totally. let me ask you this, okay, and if you don't feel comfortable with this question, you absolutely don't have to answer it, kay? you understand? >> yeah. >> what's your favorite salad? >> taco salad. >> taco salad. i knew it.
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on the count of three, name your favorite animated tv shows from the 1980's about felines warriors. one, two, three. >> thunder cat! >> thunder cat! it's like looking in a mirror. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the very, very funny josh gad. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, that's when i'm talking about. >> that's it. that's it. >> jimmy: j.g. josh gad in the house. looking dapper. looking suave. >> thank you, i just bought this at rochester's big and tall. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very good looking. >> thank you. >> jimmy: congratulations on this show, "1600 penn." >> yes. >> jimmy: that is the address to the white house. >> that is. that happened to be the address to the white house for those people who didn't know in the audience. and -- and, no, it's really exciting. it's a show about --
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>> jimmy: you got to go to the white house. >> i got to go to the white house last week. i met the president of the united states, barack obama. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. thank you very much. you can touch me afterwards. it was incredible. >> jimmy: tell him i said hi. >> i went over there, and, you know, you kind of anticipate what you're going to say to the president when you meet him, and he comes up to me, and he shakes my hand, and he looks at me and he goes, "so, how are you feeling?" and all i could say was, "much better now, mr. president." [ light laughter ] i'm not sure what the hell the implication of that was. >> jimmy: yes. >> like i was having an awful day at the white house prior to that moment. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. well, what happened? >> i hate myself. i hate myself so much. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> but it was -- it was pretty -- >> jimmy: really, but he watched -- watched and saw the show? >> no, that's a bold-faced lie. >> jimmy: okay. very good, okay. [ laughter ] >> he invited to us screen it, and he spent about 20 minutes with us. >> jimmy: how did you get into the white house? >> just a security pad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i got to get one of these. you go to the internet, amazon? >> yes. and you just put nbc screeners in and he's like, "oh, yeah, let's see that one." let's watch it. >> jimmy: let's watch it. >> so, yeah. one of the writers of the
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show -- that's a really good writer. >> jimmy: thanks. >> one of the writers of the show used to be a speech writer for him, and so he invited us all through jon lovett. and it was -- it was incredible. >> jimmy: and in the show you play, skip, the president's son. we just saw the clip. >> i do play the president's son, and it's -- it's really fun. i mean, skip is kind of a bull in a china shop. everything he touches turns to crap, and it's -- yeah. it's a fun role to play, and i also -- while i was in d.c. last week, i got to meet jenna bush, first daughter. >> jimmy: of course. jenna bush hager, we love jenna bush. >> yeah, jenna bush, wonderful, wonderful girl. and i -- she did this interview with me at -- at the wax museum, at madame tussauds wax museum. and i invited my mother-in-law, who doesn't speak much english. she's italian. and i introduced them, and she has no clue who this woman is. and she says, "hi, very nice to meet you." and she sees the camera is on her, so she must be famous. and jenna bush says, "very nice to meet you. would you like to take a picture with me," and she points to the wax figure of her father.
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and my mother-in-law looks at the wax figure and goes "no, no." [ laughter ] and in the best english she ever said i heard her say, she goes, "i don't like him." [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: mom! mom. >> most embarrassing moment of my entire life, and i didn't know how to say in italian, "shut up please, right now, and you're ruining my career." [ laughter ] and it was -- but she was so lovely. >> jimmy: but jenna is cool about it. she like, "whatever, let's do it." >> just really, really just great. >> jimmy: she's good. >> and when i told my mother-in-law who she was, she goes, "uh-oh." [ laughter ] that was all she said. it was -- >> jimmy: uh-oh, yeah. would you -- i mean, do you know much about u.s. presidents? do you know -- >> oh, my god. yeah, i do. i'm a huge fan of presidential history and actually i do a couple of impressions of presidents. >> jimmy: you do? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's -- because i do impressions of the president, too. >> you do? >> jimmy: i do. >> look, i didn't know you did impressions? >> jimmy: do you want to -- [ laughter ] yeah. >> what you talking about? >> jimmy: you didn't know that.
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yeah, i mean, we'll do -- let's do something -- like a presidential -- >> yeah, totally. >> jimmy: impression-off. >> i'm in. totally, let's do it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you ready? all right. who are you going -- who's going to do first? >> all right, all right. all right. why don't you do obama. why don't you do obama. >> jimmy: i'll do this -- >> okay. [ as obama ] >> jimmy: ah, look, change will not come from if we wait for, uh, some other person or time. we are the change that we seek. >> that was -- >> jimmy: that was -- >> that was unbelievable. goes something like that. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> that's obama. that's obama. >> jimmy: you do -- do george w. bush. >> all right. i'm going to do george w. bush. >> jimmy: yeah. >> over there next to my mother-in-law. [ laughter ] [ as bush ] >> fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, we won't get fooled again. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's pretty good. >> yeah. it's all about that -- >> jimmy: all right. who else should i do? >> now, i want you to as go -- do bill clinton. >> jimmy: okay. >> he was -- he was before bush. >> jimmy: i know who he is. >> okay. [ laughter ] [ as clinton ] >> jimmy: hey.
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what's up, america? it's me, the president -- of the united states. all right, all right. do -- [ cheers and applause ] ♪ do -- do richard nixon. >> okay. >> jimmy: wait, you can't say i'm not a crook. >> don't do i'm not a crook. >> jimmy: you can't say i'm i'm not a crook. >> okay. [ as nixon ] i am not a little girl named jennifer. >> jimmy: all right. that's good. [ laughter ] ♪ that is actually very, very good. >> all right, all right, all right. can you do john f. kennedy talking about baby pandas. >> jimmy: of course. >> okay, go. about baby pandas. go! [ as jfk ] >> jimmy: i -- i love baby pandas. they're so cute with their furry little heads there. all right. do -- [ cheers and applause ] ♪ all right. >> that's the panda impression -- >> jimmy: let's do -- let's do a little fdr. >> okay, a little fdr. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ as fdr ] >> we have nothing to fear but fear itself, and honey boo boo. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: no, that's good. all right, good. >> okay. how about taft.
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can you do taft, the big guy? >> jimmy: everyone can do taft. >> yeah. do taft. [ laughter ] you do taft. [ laughter ] >> whoo! [ cheers ] >> whoo! [ as taft ] >> jimmy: i -- i have my own giant bathtub that i love to -- [ laughter ] scrub myself in. [ laughter ] >> that dude is like taft. >> jimmy: that's a good taft. that's a really good taft. all right, i'm gonna throw you a curveball. >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you -- everyone's got one of these. >> yeah. >> jimmy: rutherford b. hayes. >> oh, totally. i got a rutherford b. hayes. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. do one. [ as hayes ] >> oohh, why hello! [ laughter ] my name is rutherford b. hayes. i do believe i shall go fencing today, and then i may fix myself a hot tea and some flat cookies. [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, very nice. got to give him the win on that one. i'm giving you the win on that one. josh gad, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] you're the most fun human.
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thank you for coming back to our show. >> you're so nice. >> jimmy: oh, please. this is great. it comes with big and tall, too. keep that. [ laughter ] "1600 penn" airs thursday nights at 9:30 on nbc. alan zweibel joins us next. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ever since mom and dad have been working with viva, people have been daring them to clean up tough messes. [ phone ding! ] another dare. they're proving that viva doesn't play by the rules. dunk it again for the close-up. my fans think a paper towel can't handle this. ♪ that is tough when wet. at least the fame hasn't gone to their heads. [ peggy ] grab viva and break the rules on all your tough messes. the camera loves your mom. she's a natural. i feel more inspired. more positive. [ male announcer ] only lipton adds fresh-pressed tea leaves to its new great tasting blend. drink new lipton and you'll be surprised how great you feel.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a very funny emmy award-winning writer whose latest book "lunatics," co-written with dave barry, is now available in paperback. please welcome alan zweibel. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. i've been dying to have you on the show. thank you for finally coming. >> thanks for having me. this is great. >> jimmy: please. i'm a big fan of yours. i told you this. i met you years ago, but your head shot is up on seventeen on "saturday night live." >> it takes up most of seventeen doesn't it? >> jimmy: it's a nice size shot. but i remember seeing your face every time we went into the writer's meeting. i'd walk right by alan zweibel. . and was like, there's alan
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zweibel. and then i actually got to meet you and you're a moving head shot. >> i am a moving head shot. >> jimmy: you were there at "snl" when it first started. >> i was there from there day one from 1975 to 1980. >> jimmy: wow. >> it was the most exciting thing in the world. >> jimmy: can you tell me anything like -- you weren't allowed to stuff on tv that you can now. >> you don't understand. there was no cable back then. there was not even a fox network. okay. >> jimmy: yeah. [ scattered applause ] don't clap. they're clapping for that. >> when we started the show, there was no television, okay? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what's so interesting. >> we used to let john belushi go from house to house. you didn't know that. >> jimmy: shadow puppets. >> so it sounds very tame now, but i remember the negotiating we had to do with the censors to get certain things on back then. for example, "weekend update" which you did, and i wrote for, and i sort of like, i guess, produced it had it for a couple of years when i was with the show. >> jimmy: with chevy.
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>> with chevy and then jane curtin did it. and then bill murray did it. >> jimmy: that's right. >> okay. and i remember once, michael o'donahue was one of the big architect writers of the show. he's a brilliant guy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he was one of the founders of "the national lampoon." >> jimmy: love him. >> and he called me up and he said, "listen, why don't you say this week, 'weekend update' is brought to you by a product that we make up." i said, "sure, go for it." so this particular saturday, he had don pardo say, "and now 'weekend update' brought to you by pussywhip. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] the dessert topping for cats." >> jimmy: yeah, okay good. >> i have no idea what you guys were thinking. >> jimmy: i needed some clarification. thank you. >> dessert topping for cats. >> jimmy: dessert topping for cats. >> yeah, pussywhip. so i said, and it worked great. so i wanted to do one the following week. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so i wrote one for the dress rehearsal, right?
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full audience, dress rehearsal. i had pardo say, "and now 'weekend update' brought to you by bleu balls." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> b-l-e-u. bleu balls, the cheese snack from france. okay. [ laughter ] and -- and it worked great, okay? and oh, wow, we can put this on tv. there was a censor. her name was jane crowley. i don't know if she was there when you were there. 300 pounds, ex-nun, dress shields, you know who i'm talking about, right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: dress shields. >> and her job was during dress rehearsal to sit with the script because this was her last chance at -- at censoring us, because you go on the air live. it's not like you can edit or redo. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so she comes out after "weekend update" and after we did the bleu ball joke and she waddles up to me and she says, "alan, you can't do that when we go on the air." and i said, "can't do what?" she says, "you can't say bleu
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balls." i said "why?" and she says, "well, because it has to do with the male genitalia." and i said, "you know, last week, you let us do pussywhip, which is clearly the female genitalia." what kind of sexist organization are you running here? [ laughter ] so she said, "give me a minute." she went back to the control room. she picked up her phone and she called god, i guess. [ laughter ] and then she came out. she found me in the studio, and she says, "alan, we discussed it, and i've come to the conclusion because i gave you pussywhip last week -- [ laughter ] [ drumroll ] -- i'd be more than happy to give you bleu balls this week." [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and what did i say?
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>> jimmy: yeah. >> i said, "that's not necessary. let us just say it on tv. we'll call it even." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: alan zweibel, everyone. pick up a copy of "lunatics" right now in paperback. the joy formidable joins us next. that is great. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] let's take every drop of courage, every ounce of inspiration, every bit of determination, and go where we've never gone before. ♪ introducing the radically new avalon. toyota. let's go places.
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donuts? ♪ you're cute. [ door closes ] [ female announcer ] new special k protein cereal helps keep you fuller longer. willpower. what will you gain when you lose? [ traffic sounds ] ♪ help satisfy your hunger longer with the special k protein line. willpower. what will you gain when you lose? willpower. i've got two tickets to paradise!l set? pack your bags, we'll leave tonight. uhh, it's next month, actually... eddie continues singing: to tickets to... paradiiiiiise! no four. remember? whoooa whooaa whooo! you know ronny, folks who save hundreds of dollars
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by switching to geico sure are happy. and how happy are they jimmy? happier than eddie money running a travel agency. get happy. get geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. describe the room. a big, open space. smells really fresh, man. oh! [ both laugh ] febreze? how about that? yeah. febreze anti-clogging technology keeps it smelling fresh. febreze. breathe happy. keeps it smelling fresh. i played a round of golf.id in the last five hours? then i read a book while teaching myself how to play guitar; ran ten miles while knitting myself a sweater; jumped out of a plane. finally, i became a ping pong master while recording my debut album. how you ask? with 5-hour energy. i get hours of energy now -- no crash later. wait to see the next five hours.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guests are about to release their second album "wolf's law." tonight they're here to play their single from it, "this ladder is ours." please welcome, the joy formidable. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ let's take this walk it's long overdue and let this loathe crawl over you finally ♪ ♪ let's take this walk
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it's overdue ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ let's sit and talk and slow things down just be our old selves again finally ♪ ♪ let's take this walk let's take a walk to somewhere pretty this ladder is ours ♪ this ladder is ours we can be anybody else hold on to the fringe
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jump through from the past ♪ ♪ this ladder is ours this ladder is ours this is where everybody turns out right in the end ♪ ♪ can you play a part ♪ ♪ ♪ see us walking through the sunshine ask me where i've been back to ire ♪ ♪ back to desire this is where it all begins ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ this ladder is ours this ladder is ours we can be anybody else hold on to the fringe ♪ ♪ jump through from the past this ladder is ours this ladder is ours this is where everybody turns ♪ ♪ out right in the end can you play that part this ladder is ours
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this ladder is ours ♪ ♪ this ladder is ours this ladder is ours this ladder is ours this ladder is ours ♪ ♪ this ladder is ours this ladder is oh-oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: woo! the joy formidable! look for their album "wolf's law" in stores on january 22nd. we'll be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to jessica chastain, josh gad, alan zweibel, the joy formidable! [ cheers and applause ] and the greatest band in late night, the roots over there. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "carson daly." thank you for watching. have a great weekend. hope to see you next week. thank you! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ captions paid for by nbc-universal television

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